cha-cha-cello

i am playing the good old cello again! or at least attempting to. i picked it up sunday in an attempt to cheer myself up and woa did it! it just felt like part of me was back. although i am not sure of the part it will play in my life but i am determined to keep it there and be happy about it and not get sad cause it is not my whole life and i have to have a real job to pay the bills. i am not a 9-5 kinda gal but as long as i have to be i may as well keep the reasons that i love life in my life. i think that is enough for now. later!

its not easy being green

deep breath. ahhh. things have been very odd lately. i really really think it must be some external element. i feel like i have not been myself and it bothers. i am really stuck on what to do. do i get rid of this external element? or keep it up and hope things get better. the problem is it is having a bed effect on friendships and stuff. its the last thing i wanted. but it all seems too late. i just really don't know. i guess i have to take it day by day.

ok, so it is my life

so, things were a bit better today. i had to blow of day of the year at work and it gave me some needed time to think and make plans. i am really thinking about moving into the city sometime soon and while talking to a co-worker found out there is a special needs private school i may be able to work at in the city. the other good fact is that the person knows a great teacher there and thinks i would love working with her. i filled out some applications for school and tuition wavers...always a plus. ok, i do have control over this and i am going to make things happen. i may find i am not in love with my job but i then have the power to change it.

this is my so called life

yes, yes i loved that show as a sophamore in high school. every thursday i had to be home to watch it and this is coming from a girl who has very few shows she has ever had to watch. so why am i brining this up now? well, here i am over a decade later...and yes dealing with my life. or how i am thinkin of it now as my so called life. i had many dreams then. i thought by this time i would have my own place, education, tall, beautiful and have all i wanted. i am not really sure how to judge what i have now. i have a car...um yeah. i don't think that was a big part of the dream. in fact i rather live and work in the city not having a car. it just seems that when i dream today in the back of my head i feel like whats the point? it really won't happen anyway. anyhow, thats whats been on my mind today.