Finding My Way

2007-12-08T15:32:00.001-08:00

more quotes

2007-11-25T11:19:00.000-08:00

the sun never says to the earth "you owe me".

"you can't be wise and in love" bob dylan

2007-11-24T19:34:00.001-08:00

the things we love are the things we must learn to leave alone

2007-11-24T15:04:00.000-08:00

...

happy halloween

2007-10-30T20:37:00.000-07:00

Pumpkin, pumpkin
round and fat
turn into a jack-o-lantern
just like that!

here is my beautiful pumpkin!

falling

2007-10-28T19:31:00.001-07:00

today, as i put on my fleece vest for the first time this season, i found these toys in my pockets. they are remnants of one of my students from last year. it brought in many memories of my students and i felt a bit sad. i miss my students.

picture of the year

2007-01-30T20:20:00.000-08:00

this is my favorite picture ever. the look on brian's face is priceless! and trisha is her cute self. i also have a prediction. this same pic will be taken but the roles will change when we go on our road trip in march. brian will be the one with the knife and i will have the look of terror. can we survive days together in a car???? only time will tell!

I <3 the 80's

2007-01-30T19:30:00.000-08:00

this week the school i teach at is celebrating its team spirit! every day has a theme and we all get dresses up. although, i am not one to take part in this for some odd reason the spirit had taken over and on monday i showed up in pj's, tuesday was 80's day and wednesday is a luau theme. i just have to say that every monday should be pj day. it makes it much more easy to ease into the week in flannel bottoms and my super soft fuzzy robe. on tuesday, i wore my ramones t, a jean skirt with leggins and rocked my converse. i also made a mix of 80's music including, david bowie, blondie, rem and talking heads. the kids danced away as we had our super bowl party in ape (adapted physical education). enclosed are some pics from the day.

new year...

2007-01-04T11:33:00.000-08:00

i would have to say i had one of my best new years ever this year. it started off on sunday afternoon with a trip to the garfield park conservatory with friends and family. i then headed out for a night of bowling and fun with trisha, alison, and meagan.

this is me and my cousin colin.

here colin and i enter the cactus house. colin is a bit tired and would like to take a rest.

little did he know he sat on a cactus!!!!!

ahhhhhhhh!!!!

this is a sculpture in the gardens. i just think it is beautiful. the tenderness and kindness expressed is amazing to me. hm...
it instills inspiration and longing.

here are the girls.

oh what form?!?!?!?

more songs stuck in my head....

2006-10-24T14:13:00.000-07:00

"Soul Meets Body"

I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what its like to be new

Cause in my head there’s a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they’re far more suited than here

I cannot guess what we'll discover
We turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels
But I know our filthy hands can wash one another’s
And not one speck will remain

I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body

I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

ooooooh pretty!

2006-10-24T14:04:00.000-07:00

so, thanks to my good friend frank, i now have another magazine i am addicted to! while at Borders monday night we were looking over Ready Made and found this gem. he is more partial to Make, Crafts sister mag but, i went crazy for craft. now i just have to find the time and energy to make all the cool stuff. aren't the crochet figures cute?!?!

Goodbye zephyr!

2006-10-23T17:56:00.000-07:00

brian, trisha, meagan, alison and i headed out to the zephyr on thursday night. it was a blast! i was particularly happy because i had just taken and hopefully passed the second of my four history tests. there was lots of yummy food to be had. i enjoyed the "casablanca" a blueberry sunday type thingy. yum. i think i have only been to the zephyr once before with my aunt and soon to be uncle at the time when i was like 9. but it did leave an impression. now, brian insists that i had been there with him before but i doubt it. the zepher does not let you forget! i am sad to see it go but then i guess everything must come to an end. even if it is a good thing.

the new hair!

2006-10-06T18:02:00.000-07:00

thanks to the wonders of the REV. Billy i love my hair!

2006-10-05T13:44:00.000-07:00

i love this song by the katie todd band...

In and Around
It cannot wait, it cannot wait any longer, I said.
Put em' in their place, put em' in their place, hold your breath and don't look down.

In and around. In and around, we're gonna make it somehow.
Don't be afraid and don't be ashamed of what you're feeling.

It's starting to affect us, and that's when we say no.
Your actions are contagious, we're all susceptible.
Oh in and out of stages, we're learning as we go, we're learning as we go.

And in a day all can be lost and all can be found in a day.
And we can be wrong, and we can be right, but in the end we're just keeping time.

In and around, in and around, brushing it off when faces frown.
Follow your heart and follow your soul, you're gonna make it.

It's starting to affect us, and that's when we say no.
Your actions are contagious, we're all susceptible.
Oh in and out of stages, we're learning as we go, we're learning as we go.

In and around.... In and around....

deep breath

2006-10-03T13:59:00.000-07:00

"Nothing Better"

Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That you're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry

So just say how to make it right
And i swear i'll do my best to comply

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together

I feel I must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave

So please back away and let me go
I can't my darling i love you so...

Oh, oh

Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures

I admit that i have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye

I <3 new desk

2006-09-04T15:49:00.000-07:00

i have a new desk! its so cool. the kitty thinks its cool too. here is to a new start at school!

flavor flav if my new boyfriend!

2006-09-04T11:53:00.000-07:00

on sunday nights that is. a new tv club of sorts has been started at allisons house and it rocks! here are some pics. enjoy as brian finds a new use for chop sticks, meagan repents, and we just have a good old time.

ode to tiger

2006-08-14T20:04:00.000-07:00

fight for change!

2006-08-14T19:47:00.000-07:00

the wise words of billy blanks as i did my bootcamp training workout video this morning. it is a line that has been passing though my thoughts all day. i realized i thought change was a passive act. this lead to an aha! moment. i need to fight, claim and own the changes i want to make in life.

so what changes should i fight to claim? well, this morning i was attempting to work this sad body back into some form of shape. i am working on finishing up this degree i seem to never finish. the obstacles have been rediculous. getting my transcrips to roosevelt has been going on for a month now. and they still do not have one of my transcripts. but i will keep on fighting! those transcripts will get there if i have to...well i am not sure what else i can do. i have already tried to hand deliver them but that is against policy.

so i say damn the man!

oh the wonders of basil

2006-08-09T18:29:00.000-07:00

so, i have a basil plant i bought about a month ago at the evanston farmer's market. it is great! and i am putting it to use. this past week i made a tomato basil salad and pesto. here are pics of the food and the poor over picked basil plant.

ah milwaukee

2006-08-06T10:24:00.000-07:00

yesturday e and i went to milwaukee. the main attraction being the "masters of american comics" show. it was full of information and history; although a bit overwhelming for me. i really enjoyed seeing the progress of thought comics. this trip seems to be a yearly tradition for me and e, and it seems i will never escape the yearly pic of traci in front of the mam. ah well. we then walked by the lake and headed off to the a&w for rootbeer floats.

breath....its summer!!!

2006-06-19T05:53:00.000-07:00

yes! the end of the year is finally over. it feels like a mixed blessing. here are some pictures of the last couple days of school.

More Spring!

2006-05-14T16:38:00.000-07:00

Despite being a bit under the weather e and I brought out the grill for the first time. enjoy the pics!

It's Spring!!

2006-05-08T17:29:00.000-07:00

ah yes, i am so happy it is spring and with spring comes gardening and grilling. i am well taken care of in this department because today my dad and i did some pimping up the deck shopping. so here of some pics of the goods....

been a long time

2006-03-20T16:03:00.000-08:00

ah yes, my blog. i almost forgot! not that i have the masses waiting but there is something to sitting down and writing. getting thoughts out of my head and on a screne. whats new with me? hm...searching for new jobs, finding a school, and wel moving! that is the best part right now. no more allergie hell for me. the neighborhood is awesome. i can't wait for it to warm up and take walks.

part of the reason i don't update is that my brain feel very dead at the end of the day. this day being no acception i am going to go.

later.

cha-cha-cello

2006-02-13T17:49:00.000-08:00

i am playing the good old cello again! or at least attempting to. i picked it up sunday in an attempt to cheer myself up and woa did it! it just felt like part of me was back. although i am not sure of the part it will play in my life but i am determined to keep it there and be happy about it and not get sad cause it is not my whole life and i have to have a real job to pay the bills. i am not a 9-5 kinda gal but as long as i have to be i may as well keep the reasons that i love life in my life. i think that is enough for now. later!

its not easy being green

2006-02-08T04:59:00.000-08:00

deep breath. ahhh. things have been very odd lately. i really really think it must be some external element. i feel like i have not been myself and it bothers. i am really stuck on what to do. do i get rid of this external element? or keep it up and hope things get better. the problem is it is having a bed effect on friendships and stuff. its the last thing i wanted. but it all seems too late. i just really don't know. i guess i have to take it day by day.

ok, so it is my life

2006-02-06T16:13:00.001-08:00

so, things were a bit better today. i had to blow of day of the year at work and it gave me some needed time to think and make plans. i am really thinking about moving into the city sometime soon and while talking to a co-worker found out there is a special needs private school i may be able to work at in the city. the other good fact is that the person knows a great teacher there and thinks i would love working with her. i filled out some applications for school and tuition wavers...always a plus. ok, i do have control over this and i am going to make things happen. i may find i am not in love with my job but i then have the power to change it.

this is my so called life

2006-02-05T16:51:00.000-08:00

yes, yes i loved that show as a sophamore in high school. every thursday i had to be home to watch it and this is coming from a girl who has very few shows she has ever had to watch. so why am i brining this up now? well, here i am over a decade later...and yes dealing with my life. or how i am thinkin of it now as my so called life. i had many dreams then. i thought by this time i would have my own place, education, tall, beautiful and have all i wanted. i am not really sure how to judge what i have now. i have a car...um yeah. i don't think that was a big part of the dream. in fact i rather live and work in the city not having a car. it just seems that when i dream today in the back of my head i feel like whats the point? it really won't happen anyway. anyhow, thats whats been on my mind today.

so, let go

2006-01-23T17:43:00.000-08:00

Artist: Frou Frou Lyrics
Song: Let Go Lyrics

Drink up baby down
Are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind
'Cause it's all going off without you
Excuse me too busy you're writing a tragedy
These mess-ups
You bubble-wrap
When you've no idea what you're like

So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's all right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown

It gains the more it gives
And then advances with the form
So, honey, back for more
Can't you see that all the stuff's essential?
Such boundless pleasure
We've no time for later
Now you can wait
You roll your eyes
We've twenty seconds to comply

So, let go
Jump in
Oh well, what you waiting for?
It's al right
'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So, let go
Just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here

So, yes i have been a bit into this song lately. it runs through my head all the time...or at least since i bought the soundtrack to Garden State on friday. and garden state is my new favorite movie too.

hm...its funny. when i am thinking about writing a blog i have so many thoughts and ideas but then...i write and they are all gone. it sucks. maybe i will be able to write more later and that slew of thoughts will come back.

the not so great weekend

2006-01-22T13:42:00.000-08:00

this weekend just didn't turn out the way i wanted it to. before it started i was so sure about things and feeling good...dum dum dum. now, well i am just lost. i am cool with the whole not seeing the path ahead thing, but there is something to say when feelings and emotions get intertwined into it. then, i have a problem. i am trying to look at the bright side of things but sometimes its just hard. i just want the best for everyone and i guess no matter what happens i have to know that that is what the future will bring.

for brian

2006-01-15T15:10:00.000-08:00

1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES? white

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? just finished Shop Girl...loved it. thanks e!

3. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? don't use one

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOARD GAME? haven't played on that i like in a long time. although i play a lot of SOrry! and Trouble at work.

5. LEAST FAVORITE SMELLS? bad perfume

6. THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF IN THE MORNING? ok, get up. u have to go to they gym!

7. FAVORITE COLOR: purple/black

8. FAVORITE FLOWER: wild flowers

9. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE U ANSWER THE PHONE? depends

10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME: i haven't really thought about it much.

11. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate

12. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? yes

13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS? yes

14. DO YOU LIKE THUNDERSTORMS? Yes

15. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? 1982 ford granada

16. YOUR SIGN? virgo

17. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? Yep, love broccoli

18. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE? i really am not sure. a job where i would be helping many people make their lived better.

19. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY COLOR HAIR WHAT WOULD IT BE? i really like mine as is.
20. IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? depends on my mood

21. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE? to kill a mocking bird

22. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? most of the time

23. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? mattres...its a trundle bed

24. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER(S)? don't have one

25. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? None

26. YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST INTENSE PAIN? feeling lost

27. PERSON MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?well, it would be brian but he already responded.

28. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? everyone

29. KETCHUP OR MUSTARD? mustard

30. HAMBURGER OR HOT DOG? don't eat meat

31. COFFEE OR TEA? coffee!!!!!!!!!!!

32. FAVORITE Season ? Fall and summer

33. THE BEST PLACE YOU HAVE EVER BEEN: paris

34. WHAT SCREEN SAVER IS ON YOUR COMPUTER? white stripes

35. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE: baja fresh

36. WHO DO YOU FIND YOU MISS MOST IN YOUR LIFE? sometimes old friends

37. WHAT DO YOU FIND DIFFICULT or STRUGGLE WITH AT TIMES? finding out what i want to do with my life and not feeling so lost.

38. MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT? showing up at a friends work in pj's to get keys when i locked myself out.

39. WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE CATEGORIZED YOURSELF IN HIGH SCHOOL? shy, still am

40. MOTTO, CREED, QUOTE, EXCERPT, FAVORITE LINE OR WORDS YOU LIVE BY? don't have one yet...

long time....

2006-01-11T16:46:00.000-08:00

yes, i know its been a long time since i wrote anything. and i know you guys and gals are on the edge of your seats! ha! but anyhow work and such has been a bit heavy but things are looking up. we have a head teacher in out classroom now and that has made my job so much better. i remember at one point i liked my job but that feeling had long gone when we were in crazy no head teacher mode. a glimmer of hope has come in though and it means a lot to me.

i also started a new work out plan this year. i am not getting up at 5:30am to work out before work. i think it will help with my mood in general. plus, that way i can go the whole day feeling good about myself rather then half. or at least that is what i am telling myself. i have to go on something to wake up that early! even if it is lies! lies! lies!

what else? next week e and i will have been going out a year! a lot has happend in a year. have to say mostly good. we will go hear my favorite cello concerto by elgar and a nice dinner. i am so excited to hear the elgar. i am going to have to get my new glasses by then so i can see. we are way up high and i am going blind. not a good match.

have a great week!

happy f-in new year!

2005-12-31T22:55:00.000-08:00

yeah, so... yes way to start the new year. here on the computer writing a blog. oh yes i rock. no, i am not here because i have nothing better to do but the alternative is making a fool of myself at a party while people try to get me drunk. i just don't get that whole thing and really have no need to be part of it. its fine people should do what makes them happy but for me it has the exact opposite effect. i need to just get used to the fact that i like being alone. its not going to change no matter what i do. i like it quiet, i want peace and quiet. i just don't get the parties. for years it what i wanted but now i guess through doing it i realize nope uh eh not me. give me a book, music and some coffee. enough with the drunken shinanigans. so here is to a new year where i just accept me for myself and not put myself in situations that i know i will not like no matter who is there or who i want to be with. i am me and thats that. other people are themselves and thats cool to. we all need out own road i guess.

sleep

2005-12-28T22:36:00.000-08:00

so i just can't seem to sleep. e is right next to me sleepin and happy. so cute. wish i could be that way too. i am back to my late night ways and don't want to give them up. what to do?

been a long time

2005-12-27T06:12:00.000-08:00

ah yes, the holidays are almost past. thank god. it was ideal in some ways and then not in others. i spent the holiday in dekalb for the first time. it was different. i realised how much i love the holidays in the city. i have to face it i am a city girl. i love the vibe. so thats it for now.

feeling a bit off

2005-12-11T19:06:00.000-08:00

today started off good. got up this morning did some stuff and then off to work. low and behold the fist call i get at work is from my ex's family. they subscribe to the theater i work at and needed to take care of some tickets. it was all fine and good and his family is very nice and it is good to hear that everyone is doing well. after work e and i went to woodfield mall to get some christmas shopping done. it was good i got some stuff for people and finaly bought myself a ramones t-shirt that i have been wanting forever. but as we were driving home i was just reminded of what my life was like when i used to go to woodfield before and most of that sadness came from the whole ex thing. it brought up a lot of issues. mainly the fact that i let myself be treated so badly for so long. i think about it and just think "how could i have put myself through that?" i was just at such a low point in my life and had no idea that things could be good again.

so here i am a few years later. my life has changed for the good in so many ways: i am in a good job, still figuring out the whole school thing but on a good path, thinkin about moving, have a MUCH better sense of self, and in a great relationship! not so bad eh? and that is just the start of the list. i think i have to give myself a break. i a doing ok. yes, there are people who may seem to be doing better but hell i have had to go through a lot and i have to give myself that.

ahhhh this feels good. just writing this all out has made me feel better!

christmas issues

2005-12-10T07:52:00.000-08:00

oh my i am not doing well on this whole chrismas shopping thing. so far the only person i have anything for is julie! e i am at a total loss for because i have tried to find stuff for but nothing seems to be around that i really want to get him. plus i have the preasure of him telling me how awesome my gifts will be! i can't live up to that! lol although i have already knit him a cool scarf...so i got some talents.

we went out for tappas last night. it was yummy but we both agreed it was not as good as the place we to go in evanston. the place was called tappas barcelona, i had been to one in arlington heights a few years back and remember it being good. the one we went to last night in park ridge just didn't have the same feel as the other one or maybe my standards have just changed. plus, there were a bunch of lame suburbians with their black pants and shoes but white socks and some unreal sweaters. hehe...that is just mean but true! while at dinner e told me about how that day while bored he had writen letters to his local state reps in responce to and article he had read that day. i guess there is something that is trying to be passes that would make security restrictions on the "war on terrorism" permanent and he just felt that was not right. awwww it made me melt a little. i just thought it was so cool he would do that! you go with your cival duty self! its a muscle we should all use a little bit more. and trust me i am the last one to say anything but come on it is a bit inspiring!

2005-12-09T16:19:00.000-08:00

I really want to make that hat!!! good luck to me!

friday!!!

2005-12-09T16:16:00.000-08:00

so as u know it is friday! oh i love fridays! i think i would be perfectly content not working. i think i need to find a non work working situation. i don't know there isn't much to say today. i am going to get going. later

oh what a day

2005-12-07T16:21:00.000-08:00

so today was rather boring until i left school. so let me paint a picture. i am walking out with jackie talkin away when another teacher waves us over to one of the cabs that picks up some of our kids. we go over to find that the cab driver is out cold! he is breathing but there is no way to wake him up! this guy was going to drive one of our kids home!!! so i call 911 and the teachers start crowding around. jackie then looks around at the car and realizes the whole back windscheild in smashed from him crashing into the dumpsters. u have to imagine there are a lot of kids and partents around and we are trying to keep the trafic flowing. soon we hear the sirens going and the ambulance and fire department come. the guy was taken away in the ambulance. i guess the guy was drunk and had just passed out. it was kinda silly and scary. so i have to file a police report and one with the school and so on. the other funny thing was that when the police officer was checking out the cab he found a suitcase in the back. inside was an antique gramaphone. weird eh?

silly stuff

2005-12-06T13:14:00.000-08:00

so things have been a little crazy lately. i have been feeling super outa shape and a bit on the low side. i am going to work out after this so hopefully i will get things on track soon.

on another note...i have been shopping WAY too much. i have bought so much in the last week. but i kinda feel that i need it too though. the sweaters and shirts i have are like 3-5 years old and just make me look and feel sloppy. so here is to some spiffy clothing!

we also had movement therapy at work today for the kids...the specialist who did it was named Love! lol. that is just toooooooo much. in the wise words of April my co-worker. Goodnight!

sleep....

2005-12-03T21:05:00.000-08:00

i have too much going on in my head. i can't sleep. this has been like the worst weekend ever. nothing but fighting. i am not sure what to do, in fact i feel nothing but lost and unsure of what action to take. am i staying in the same situation because of fear of being alone or because i really should be. i just don't want to get stuck in a corner.

expectations exceeded

2005-12-02T16:51:00.000-08:00

so that was what i got on my evaluation for work! so yeah i rock in the world of special ed! wish i could say the same for everything else but eh what can ya do? so yeah...i don't know i don't really feel like writing right now so i think i will get going. julie just called me and we are going to go out and have some fun. yeah!

oh yeah!

2005-11-29T14:01:00.000-08:00

How do u like my weather pixie? isn't she cute?

Good Day

2005-11-29T13:56:00.000-08:00

It was so great having the past week off of work. although i did a lot of stuff for other peope and worked the BOx Office i needed the break from special ed. the added bonus is that in two and a half weeks i get two weeks off! the kids are great but the job just really gets to you and its like there is no escape. you are working with this kid to do the most simple task and its like you never gt through...or at least that is how it feels. but i guess i have and i can see that now, step back and see the good. lets see how i feel in two weeks.

i am still lost on the whole school thing. i don't really know what to major in or what school to go to. i am thinking special ed but then i feel i might just get burned out on that. then i think social work...hm....i just don't know!! i want to help and do something i am proud of! any ideas?????

starting over

2005-11-27T20:46:00.000-08:00

so here i am starting a new blog. i had one on friendster but just wanted to start over and make it my own. so here i am. i am doing this to get my thoughts and ideas out and to just keep tab on the progress of my life. so here we goooooo!