happy f-in new year!

yeah, so... yes way to start the new year. here on the computer writing a blog. oh yes i rock. no, i am not here because i have nothing better to do but the alternative is making a fool of myself at a party while people try to get me drunk. i just don't get that whole thing and really have no need to be part of it. its fine people should do what makes them happy but for me it has the exact opposite effect. i need to just get used to the fact that i like being alone. its not going to change no matter what i do. i like it quiet, i want peace and quiet. i just don't get the parties. for years it what i wanted but now i guess through doing it i realize nope uh eh not me. give me a book, music and some coffee. enough with the drunken shinanigans. so here is to a new year where i just accept me for myself and not put myself in situations that i know i will not like no matter who is there or who i want to be with. i am me and thats that. other people are themselves and thats cool to. we all need out own road i guess.

sleep

so i just can't seem to sleep. e is right next to me sleepin and happy. so cute. wish i could be that way too. i am back to my late night ways and don't want to give them up. what to do?

been a long time

ah yes, the holidays are almost past. thank god. it was ideal in some ways and then not in others. i spent the holiday in dekalb for the first time. it was different. i realised how much i love the holidays in the city. i have to face it i am a city girl. i love the vibe. so thats it for now.

feeling a bit off

today started off good. got up this morning did some stuff and then off to work. low and behold the fist call i get at work is from my ex's family. they subscribe to the theater i work at and needed to take care of some tickets. it was all fine and good and his family is very nice and it is good to hear that everyone is doing well. after work e and i went to woodfield mall to get some christmas shopping done. it was good i got some stuff for people and finaly bought myself a ramones t-shirt that i have been wanting forever. but as we were driving home i was just reminded of what my life was like when i used to go to woodfield before and most of that sadness came from the whole ex thing. it brought up a lot of issues. mainly the fact that i let myself be treated so badly for so long. i think about it and just think "how could i have put myself through that?" i was just at such a low point in my life and had no idea that things could be good again.

so here i am a few years later. my life has changed for the good in so many ways: i am in a good job, still figuring out the whole school thing but on a good path, thinkin about moving, have a MUCH better sense of self, and in a great relationship! not so bad eh? and that is just the start of the list. i think i have to give myself a break. i a doing ok. yes, there are people who may seem to be doing better but hell i have had to go through a lot and i have to give myself that.

ahhhh this feels good. just writing this all out has made me feel better!

christmas issues

oh my i am not doing well on this whole chrismas shopping thing. so far the only person i have anything for is julie! e i am at a total loss for because i have tried to find stuff for but nothing seems to be around that i really want to get him. plus i have the preasure of him telling me how awesome my gifts will be! i can't live up to that! lol although i have already knit him a cool scarf...so i got some talents.

we went out for tappas last night. it was yummy but we both agreed it was not as good as the place we to go in evanston. the place was called tappas barcelona, i had been to one in arlington heights a few years back and remember it being good. the one we went to last night in park ridge just didn't have the same feel as the other one or maybe my standards have just changed. plus, there were a bunch of lame suburbians with their black pants and shoes but white socks and some unreal sweaters. hehe...that is just mean but true! while at dinner e told me about how that day while bored he had writen letters to his local state reps in responce to and article he had read that day. i guess there is something that is trying to be passes that would make security restrictions on the "war on terrorism" permanent and he just felt that was not right. awwww it made me melt a little. i just thought it was so cool he would do that! you go with your cival duty self! its a muscle we should all use a little bit more. and trust me i am the last one to say anything but come on it is a bit inspiring!

I really want to make that hat!!! good luck to me!

friday!!!

so as u know it is friday! oh i love fridays! i think i would be perfectly content not working. i think i need to find a non work working situation. i don't know there isn't much to say today. i am going to get going. later

oh what a day

so today was rather boring until i left school. so let me paint a picture. i am walking out with jackie talkin away when another teacher waves us over to one of the cabs that picks up some of our kids. we go over to find that the cab driver is out cold! he is breathing but there is no way to wake him up! this guy was going to drive one of our kids home!!! so i call 911 and the teachers start crowding around. jackie then looks around at the car and realizes the whole back windscheild in smashed from him crashing into the dumpsters. u have to imagine there are a lot of kids and partents around and we are trying to keep the trafic flowing. soon we hear the sirens going and the ambulance and fire department come. the guy was taken away in the ambulance. i guess the guy was drunk and had just passed out. it was kinda silly and scary. so i have to file a police report and one with the school and so on. the other funny thing was that when the police officer was checking out the cab he found a suitcase in the back. inside was an antique gramaphone. weird eh?

silly stuff

so things have been a little crazy lately. i have been feeling super outa shape and a bit on the low side. i am going to work out after this so hopefully i will get things on track soon.

on another note...i have been shopping WAY too much. i have bought so much in the last week. but i kinda feel that i need it too though. the sweaters and shirts i have are like 3-5 years old and just make me look and feel sloppy. so here is to some spiffy clothing!

we also had movement therapy at work today for the kids...the specialist who did it was named Love! lol. that is just toooooooo much. in the wise words of April my co-worker. Goodnight!

sleep....

i have too much going on in my head. i can't sleep. this has been like the worst weekend ever. nothing but fighting. i am not sure what to do, in fact i feel nothing but lost and unsure of what action to take. am i staying in the same situation because of fear of being alone or because i really should be. i just don't want to get stuck in a corner.

expectations exceeded

so that was what i got on my evaluation for work! so yeah i rock in the world of special ed! wish i could say the same for everything else but eh what can ya do? so yeah...i don't know i don't really feel like writing right now so i think i will get going. julie just called me and we are going to go out and have some fun. yeah!